Wednesday, November 28, 2007

We Have Tissue Issues

I moved into a new apartment at the beginning of November. This move marked the first time I would have roommates other than a sibling. It's a 3 bedroom apartment with two other guys. Since I've been here I have probably seen my roommates a total of 10 times. They're both nice guys, keep to themselves, and seem to be very easy going. My one roommate pseudonym Jed, has the master bedroom and his own bathroom. He is almost never home. I share a bathroom with the other guy, pseudonym Cletis. Cletis never takes the lone covered parking spot we all share, he always takes out the garbage, loads and unloads the dishwasher all the time, always cleans the bathroom, and has even moved his towel off the only towel rack in the bathroom. I'm quite sure I could smear feces all over his bedroom and he wouldn't even question me. Just quietly clean it up. So the one thing he won't budge on is the way the toilet paper is loaded. I prefer the flap to hang from behind. He likes it hanging over in the front. We've never spoken of our differences, but there is an unspoken battle in the bathroom. Because I hate the front hang so much I always change it, sometimes even when I'm visiting another person's facilities. I just like it better this way. My second day in my new apartment I had noticed the toilet paper roll had already been switched back to the front over hang. I decided not to make waves and left it. But next time I had to change the roll I put the toilet paper the way I like it. I feel like since I changed it I could call dibs on the placement of the said roll. No sir, this dastardly Cletus changed it to suit his preference. Every time I change the toilet paper I put it the way I like it and at random times reverse his handy work. But sure enough I always find it in the front hang position. We still have not had a conversation concerning this matter. But I sense this hidden wedge will one day destroy our apartment harmony. The only way to remedy this situation is to install another toilet paper dispenser on the wall. I refuse to be a front hang toilet paper user, it is so uncouth.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Adventures in Blind Dating: The Group Date

My friend called me one day and asked if I would be willing to go on a blind date with her sister in law and a couple of her friends. Of course, three dates in one night! Oh, she wanted me to round up two other guys. I said yes because quite honestly I hate trying to find girls to ask out. However, I was unable to find any guys to bring along. So I called my friend back and she gave me the number of a missionary who served where she used to live. Ironically he was my brother's old companion. I began to make arrangements with the in law and the my brother's old companion. Trying to arrange six peoples schedules turned out to be an arduous task. During our conversations I learned two things, the in law was 6 foot 2 and my brother's companion seemed fruitier than a strawberry field. I told the fruity guy to bring a giant friend so I wouldn't have to be paired off with Bigfoot. Finally the day of our group blind date came. I must admit I was nervous that we wouldn't be able to casually figure out who would be paired off with who. Luckily though, nature took its course. The two giants clung to each other, the shortest girl gravitated towards me, and as luck would have it the giant's other friend was a guy, so our fruity friend seemed happy. Well, I guess technically she was a girl. When I saw my date I was disappointed and knew the night would only be going down hill. At that moment I thought I had made a mistake and wondered if I could trade in an ogre for a giant. The girls were all 19 and the other two guys were about 21. But they all acted like they were about 12. We went to dinner and then played games at my house. These people were all very loud and annoying. I could tell they were amusing themselves tremendously, but I was not having any of it. This could very well have been the worst blind date ever, not to mention the biggest waste $25.64 I had ever spent. I think if someone sets you up on a terrible blind date they should be responsible for recouping your cost. Money spent- $25.64. Time wasted-4 hours. Gas used- 1 gallon. Pain and suffering- Priceless.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Victory is Nigh at Hand

In an earlier post I wrote about my battle for 50$. After being told I would be refunded the money I called back to check if it had been mailed. I was told it was being sent at the end of the week. I called back the next week because I still had not received the elusive 50$ check. They said it was in the mail. A few days later I called the University Village manger again because I still did not get the check. This time she refused to speak with me and referred me to The Crest Wood property manager. I explained my plight and was told I would get a call back on the matter. The news was broken to me in a most cowardly manner, over voicemail. I would not be getting the money after all. Unfortunately, I heard this message right before they closed on Friday. I was left to fester in anger the whole weekend. Monday morning I called Crest Wood back and a heated discussion ensued. The basic gist went something like this:
Tom: Yo fools, give me my cheddar before I cap the whole lot of you, cradle rock style...just kidding.
Tom: You guys said you charge 30$ an hour for cleaning. Well, I spent 3 hours cleaning when I moved in, so you can keep the 50$ you stole from me when I moved out and pay me 90$ for my services rendered to you. I've had several verbal agreements with various mangers that the money was being sent. You have to honor that.
CW: Sorry, there is no documentation. We didn't realize our last manager was literally a chimp in a space suit.
Tom: I just saw the paper stating we didn't have to clean certain things when we left per agreement with Candice (manager when I moved in). I was at University Village a few weeks ago, spoke with the manager and saw the document.
CW: We don't have the document now, bubbles quit and and the files are all messed up. And sorry to we can't give you the 50$.
Tom: Well, I might not be 50$ richer, but I promise that you guys will be at least 50$ poorer.
Cw: Good luck with that (then she hung up)

I contacted University Village one more time, she called Crest Wood and all of the sudden these documents came to light. She said the money will be sent at the end of the month. I told her I've heard that song before. She assured me that it will be sent. So, the battle of the 50$ rages on, but hopefully it will be put to rest shortly.