New Closing Date

I was originally planning on closing on my house and moving in before October 31. There were some complications and setbacks. Now the new closing date is going to be November 15, at the latest. I had to switch lenders at the last second which caused delays. Things seem to be going smoothly at this point.

It's All Down Hill From Here

Do you normally use this phrase to say something is going to be easy the rest of the way? Or do you use it to imply that things are going badly the rest of the way?

House Hunting

I have been looking to buy a townhouse for the past month. After a relatively easy search I have found a suitable place. It has 2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, all new carpet, appliances, counters, paint, heating, air conditioning, ect. It's only about 1000 sq feet and not located exactly where I was hoping. But overall it seems like a pretty good investment. We haggled over the price for about a day and are in the process of signing enough documents to wipe out a national forest. We need to get an inspector in there and maybe a few other closing details before sealing the deal sometime in October. Jason will be renting a room when he moves out here in December. He will pay his rent in sausage shavings that he grates fresh directly from his enormous nipples. I'll post some pictures soon. Of the house...... Not Jason's unusually elongated noodle nipples.

Sushi Shame

A few weeks ago I was eating at a sushi bar with my brother. The place we were eating at was somewhat expensive so we didn't get to stuff ourselves as much as we had hoped. The uppity establishment was crowded and stuffy because they had no A/C. After about three rolls we were waiting to get our check when we noticed the snooty couple next to us had left nearly a whole roll behind. My brother tried persuading me to eat the remaining pieces with much enthusiasm. The decision weighed on me greatly as I searched for a sign. Just then the waiter came to the rescue, "Dude, I'm gonna throw it away. Just take it. Do it. I would. Come on." Surely this was a sign from the sushi gods. No good roll should be left behind. As I furiously shoveled these strangers sushi into my mouth directly from their plate I began to sweat profusely and shake uncontrollably. I felt the surrounding patrons looking at me as if I were a wild animal. Like I was a lion who found a freshly deserted zebra and had to devour his findings before other lions also discovered the fresh kill. I was feeling pretty happy about the free sushi roll I had just enjoyed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I heard the voice of a women whisper in my ear, "I'm glad that mars roll didn't go to waste." The snooty couple had not left but just made a bathroom visit before taking off. I sat there sweating and pondering the events that had just transpired. I thought, "I should be embarrassed. But really I am just so happy I got free food."

Trip to Oregon

Why No Good Movies?

Has anyone else realized good movies are so few and far between these days? When was the last time you've seen a really good movie? The last movie I was impressed by was Juno. Stardust is another good one I've seen recently. Why are no good movies coming out any more and what was the last good movie you've seen?

Pet Peeve of the Week: Don't Tip Your Cap to Me Home Slice

I was at the gym the other day and realized a disturbing trend. This guy was working out with his baseball cap turned sideways. Not all the way to the side (haven't seen that move pulled since the days of Vanilla Ice), this is the slightly cocked sideways tilt. I realize this move has been utilized for some time now, but it still grates my cheese. First of all, wearing a hat at the gym is weird anyway. Second of all, this guy had to look in the mirror and think to himself, "How can I be dangerous and sexy at the same time while pumping some serious iron?" So he puts on his little hat....and thinks, "Something is still missing. I'm not truly thugged out enough yet." Then a moment of true gangster genius strikes. "I've got it! If I but tilt my hat to the side ever so slightly everyone will think that I'm totally hard core." What a loser. Why is a tilted hat cool anyway? I'm really K-Fed up with this whole gangster trend. Is it more comfortable this way? I've done some field research and the answer is no way homay. Bottom line Tupac, if you have to take more than 3 seconds to put on a hat and adjust it to perfection so it looks "good," chances are- you a girl son. So my homedogs of the tilted hat trend, go with the hat straight forward and avoid looking like you're auditioning for the Wu-Tang Clan. Oh and let me hit you wit some more knowledge bro. Chances are if you wear your hat this way, you might need to check out my post on sunglasses. T-Dog out.

Chronicles of the Online Hunt: Setting the Trap and Experimenting

After days of witty dialogue with a frequent visitor to the watering hole I was successful in capturing one of these elusive cyber creatures. I was able to study this animal up close last weekend. We will call this specimen, subject A1. I was able to observe subject A1's eating habits as well as other qualities specifically unique to this species. A1 has recently migrated from the region of California. She is a new member to the Mormon heard. A1 is responsive to sushi and movies. Subject A1 is also responsive to verbal stimuli. I had another encounter with subject A1 last night. She seems to be partial to comedic situational television shows, such as The Office. Subject A1 is a fun specimen but I think I will have to let her back into the wild. However, I would like to track this specimen and maintain a good relationship.

Chronicles of the Online Hunt: Laying the Bait

I have recently decided to go hunting on LDS Singles, an Internet dating website. I've been in this digital wilderness now for about 2 weeks and I will report my findings thus far:
For the first few days I mostly observed the grazing habits of the females in this strange land. I had little success getting too close to the majority of the herd. The slightest noise or movement seemed to scare them off. Note: I did have immediate success with the larger game but I prefer the more gamy meat. I evaluated the situation and decided my bait (profile picture and introduction) was not sufficient for this type of creature. So I beefed it up so to speak. Added a picture that was overly complementing of my looks and put some pictures in my photo album. Then I made my intro a little more wordy and added an interests list. This tactic seemed to attract the more desirable females in this land. The prey was now coming to eat small amounts of food I had laid down around me. However, they would not yet eat out of my hand . What could be wrong? Note: Larger game still seems to be a problem, could be scaring off smaller game or using up all the bait. Even when I ignore large game they still seem to infiltrate my camp. Must try harsher tactics. I am getting ready to spring a few of the traps that I've set. I'll report my findings when and if I capture any of these creatures. It would be wonderful to be able to study these animals up close and in a controlled environment.

Pet Peeve of the Week: The Excessive Use of Sunglasses

I was recently thinking of things that bother me most. Guys trying to be tough while driving a VW Bug (especially the new ones), year round sandal wearers, guys wearing tucked in shirts with no belt, guys who wear pink shirts (sorry Chris), ect. All take a back seat to a far worse crime; the excessive sunglasses wearer. They wear them indoors, at night, at weddings, in church, for job interviews, whenever they get the chance to show off how totally cool and hip they are. Why does this bother me? I'm not sure, but it really does. I see people come into church with sunglasses on the top of the head or if they're extra cool they have them on the back of their head. And then for those who are out of this world awesome, on the back of their head AND upside down. So what, you think you're Tom Cruise? That don't impress me much. Or anyone for that matter. You just look completely stupid. Maybe it's the strutting and swagger like they're cock of the walk that bothers me so much. These idiots turn into peacocks when they have on their sunglasses. Do these people think they are movie stars? Like they're walking the red carpet where ever they go. I wonder if these delusional losers think they have paparazzo following them around and they are just trying to look totally awesome in case they turn up on Access Hollywood. "Going into Albertsons, better put on the ol' shades in case I need to sign some autographs." Yeah, people are looking. But it's not because everyone is impressed with your stylish fashion accessory, it's because you look like a moron. So unless you have a glass eye, are albino, Stevie Wonder, Jack Nicholson attending the Oscars, or are a vampire, keep your shaded specs in the car when entering buildings.