Last year we had a hot dog eating contest at work. I demolished the competition and ate 13 or 14 hot dogs in about two min. Other people ate about 4 or 5. One guy did manage to down about 11 wieners. I won a 20$ gift certificate and a huge trophy (nicer than any sports trophy I've ever received). So this year when my job sponsored another eating contest, I started salivating thinking about that 20$. But much to my disappointment we would be eating buffalo wings this time. Not really my favorite and I knew there would be no fair way to judge the results. Eventually I was lured back to competition with taunts that I needed to defend my "Title." An infantile tactic indeed, but they know me too well. I soon prepared mentally to participate in a contest I wasn't sure I could win. I thought about backing out many times, but I knew my fans were counting on me. I spoke to the judge at length about a fair way to determine the winner. She eased my concerns and I was gaining the confidence I needed to be victorious. The whistle blew for the competition to begin. After eating over 20 wings in the allotted 2 minute time frame I was sure victory was within my grasps. But suddenly the judge called for a one minute bonus round. I was out of wings and unsure if this was some cruel joke. It was no joke, I was only able to get my hands on a few more wings before this "bonus" round was over. I ended up losing to a hefty woman, 27-32 (Funnily enough those numbers looked to be roughly her arm size). I began scolding the judge but she thought I was being a sore loser and reminded me it was just for fun. And I reminded her I don't eat 27 buffalo wings for fun, I do it for glory. And she robbed me of my glory and title. I'll never forgive this treachery.
P.S. Sorry to any animal lovers for this seemingly senseless animal killing and torture for entertainment.
6 comments:
AHAHAHAHAH that sucks. Fowls are birds and you ate a bird...thats clever fowl play...thats clever. give me this wenches address i will destroy her.
piss out
I think we all know the lesson learned here:
If you can't play with the big dogs you better stay on the porch with the puppies.
mrs. everything burned you. it sounds like you are a chump. if you were a true champion you would have ensured victory even if it meant eating live chicken wings. you are an embarassment
This seems unfair. It sounds like Tom won, but management wanted to change the results of the contest to make it so someone else won besides Tom. You should have barfed your chicken wings on the traitor and cheater.
I do not believe you could eat 14 hot dogs in 2 minutes and I do not believe you could eat 27 wings in 3 minutes.
Your pants are on fire and you are busted. Otherwise you wouldn't have been a sore quitter at the Applebees war.
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