Friday, October 2, 2009

Engagement: The end of a war....

I understand there was some kind of task force assembled to harass me and Holly into getting married. In a dangerous and cunning heist I was able to obtain "attack plan B", which outlined this dubious strike. If I'm reading the document correctly, it appears the operation included having anywhere from 2-4 field agents ask myself or Holly, no less than three times a week for more than a year when were getting married. The battle grew intense. Casualties piled up. The interrogation techniques became brutal. Resistance was futile. I was unsure if we would survive the onslaught. I knew the enemy had gotten desperate when I received counterintelligence that two small soldiers who were possibly too young to even know Hanna Montana had been recruited for the cause. Eventually we did defeat the nefarious attackers and were able to get engaged on our own time. We have suffered many wounds during this long battle and are unsure if we can wage the next war: When are you going to have kids? I would prefer the enemy use a less torturous tactic for this next battle. Perhaps they can show me mercy by using mustard gas or some type of medieval torture device instead of the dreaded Nag-bomb. Maybe I'll offer a peace treaty in the form of adoption to appease NATO and avoid any future conflicts.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

New Closing Date

I was originally planning on closing on my house and moving in before October 31. There were some complications and setbacks. Now the new closing date is going to be November 15, at the latest. I had to switch lenders at the last second which caused delays. Things seem to be going smoothly at this point.

Friday, October 10, 2008

It's All Down Hill From Here

Do you normally use this phrase to say something is going to be easy the rest of the way? Or do you use it to imply that things are going badly the rest of the way?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

House Hunting

I have been looking to buy a townhouse for the past month. After a relatively easy search I have found a suitable place. It has 2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, all new carpet, appliances, counters, paint, heating, air conditioning, ect. It's only about 1000 sq feet and not located exactly where I was hoping. But overall it seems like a pretty good investment. We haggled over the price for about a day and are in the process of signing enough documents to wipe out a national forest. We need to get an inspector in there and maybe a few other closing details before sealing the deal sometime in October. Jason will be renting a room when he moves out here in December. He will pay his rent in sausage shavings that he grates fresh directly from his enormous nipples. I'll post some pictures soon. Of the house...... Not Jason's unusually elongated noodle nipples.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Sushi Shame

A few weeks ago I was eating at a sushi bar with my brother. The place we were eating at was somewhat expensive so we didn't get to stuff ourselves as much as we had hoped. The uppity establishment was crowded and stuffy because they had no A/C. After about three rolls we were waiting to get our check when we noticed the snooty couple next to us had left nearly a whole roll behind. My brother tried persuading me to eat the remaining pieces with much enthusiasm. The decision weighed on me greatly as I searched for a sign. Just then the waiter came to the rescue, "Dude, I'm gonna throw it away. Just take it. Do it. I would. Come on." Surely this was a sign from the sushi gods. No good roll should be left behind. As I furiously shoveled these strangers sushi into my mouth directly from their plate I began to sweat profusely and shake uncontrollably. I felt the surrounding patrons looking at me as if I were a wild animal. Like I was a lion who found a freshly deserted zebra and had to devour his findings before other lions also discovered the fresh kill. I was feeling pretty happy about the free sushi roll I had just enjoyed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I heard the voice of a women whisper in my ear, "I'm glad that mars roll didn't go to waste." The snooty couple had not left but just made a bathroom visit before taking off. I sat there sweating and pondering the events that had just transpired. I thought, "I should be embarrassed. But really I am just so happy I got free food."